heartache

I can't even begin to recollect how hard i cried in the car with you. It was akin to those wailing and weeping one would belt out at the loss of loved ones. I meant every word; I am truly broken.

I never meant to treat you like i did. I knew my shortcomings and how greatly it affected us both. I changed since then. I really did change. But sadly, it was not quick enough to catch your already depleting attention for me. Though it may seem rough, i never once blamed you or him -- It's all on me. Neither do i take offense in what you've done; there's room in my heart to accommodate you, always. I just wanted a second chance to make things right. I felt robbed of that chance.

Yet seeing you for the first time since the news was a huge relieve. My heart felt a sudden relieve, filled with hopes of reconciliation. But it was like being in the same room -- only separated by unbreakable glass, you and me. You were so near, yet to be able to hold you seems so out of reach.

Crushed as i was at that time, i never wanted to let you go. I just couldn't. Not after what we've been through -- and not being able to make it up to you. I keep pleading that you'll consider me again.

I can't sleep. You're always on my mind. And when my mind wanders, it's flooded with thoughts unnecessary. It's been days that i cry myself to sleep -- not without difficulty, for sure.

Sometimes i question why all this. Of the many possible answers, i know it is never "it was meant to be".

Sorry.