reconciliation

It's not auspicious to begin on a negative note, they say. But it seems like a bad habit to me. This is my second attempt to begin blogging after a long while -- in the midst of a series of unfortunate events.

The weeks of past has been by far, the most challenging weeks for me. Never have i felt so tried and tested in my life. It takes so much to kill a person physically; yet so little to inflict a wound so deep inwardly.

I cannot complain much of the circumstances which now surround me -- it was mainly of my own doing in the past. Neither do i take pride in defending my faults which have left scars along the way. Yet i humbly admit my mistakes and i can only strive to show that I have turned over a new leaf.

Nevertheless, i cant help but feel a sense of being "short-changed" in the midst of all the emotional tribulation. I too, like him, spent hours on end, searching through the past, looking for clues, trying to salvage what was worth the wild.

I never got the chance to state my case for hearing, and was dismissed without trial. Like the "sampan & boat" story, when i turned around, i was already alone on the sampan. By the time i caught up, he had already found you. I felt at my deepest deep in my lowest low. When i got news of it, I had no purpose or desire for anything - food, the company of others - nothing. A sorrow filled my heart that brought me straight to the ground.

i wanted to cry it out, but i couldn't. Alas, what a sorrowful burden indeed to be eaten up from the inside!

When i discovered who he was, i constantly struggled to keep my distance; fearing that my rash actions may hurt you. Yet I wanted to know so badly, how he could have made all the difference, in such a brief moment. I read his blog; i understood his thoughts, yet i plead with you for a moment -- to consider which was once dear to you.

I am alone in this -- no one hears my pleas, but you.

All i wish for, if its not too much of a request, is a humble reconciliation.



Heavy hearted.