my medicine

I want to believe that you can distract yourself with work when you are burdened with matters of the heart. I really do.

But it is virtually impossible.

Today, i made my first accomplishment in 2011 -- i took the driver's seat all the way from KL to Penang; and made it in under 4.5 hours too!

All the way i wasn't sleepy at all -- i always slept through my journeys up North, but not this time. I guess i had something on my mind. And that kept me going.

My boss sat next to me; i never dared to check my phone when several SMSes came in, yet i was dying to know if it was you.

And when i got to the hotel, things got so frantic that i almost wanted to run away from it all -- into your open arms. Imagine, drive whole day, no dinner, upon arrival, straight away rushed to unpack stuff for clients already waiting.

In all this, my heart was never there. I gave it to someone. And it's very difficult to do anything knowing your heart is far away...

I ran to a corner to call you. I wanted to cheer you up before the big day tomorrow. I wanted to ease your anxiety. But all i seem to do is rub you the wrong way -- because i just couldn't control my emotions for you.

Im sorry, please forgive me.


One of the AV crew came to me, and instantly knew i was in a "matter-of-the-heart" dilemma. He only made it clearer that it is virtually impossible to get anything done when your heart's heavy, deep down inside. He knows, because he's been through it.

He said i had to get over it by tonight for if not by tomorrow i am stressed with work, i may just break down and things may get nasty. I couldn't agree more. So many things around me now remind me of you. Theres just too much of you in me.

I felt rage. I felt unrest. I felt like i just needed so scream or hit something -- or someone!

I felt at my lowest low. Even more after the phone call that seemed to make things worse.

Miserable state indeed, and desperate too. I was so tempted to SMS c. too... T_T

But then while supper, i got an unexpected call -- it was from someone i truly love.

Hearing your voice, it was an instant cure for my heartsickness.

Knowing you cared made all the difference.



You are my medicine.