mistake

i made a mistake.

i am still making mistakes.

and i am continuing to pay the price.

will it ever end? i hopefully hope so.

I duno what to do but face blogger and write about my feelings.

( i never intended for people to read and feel bad. me writing is like an angry person smashing his fist against the wall or trashing everything in his room. that's how the cope; how they let out. writing things down seems like the most sane thing to do atm. though im a little angry, writing sure beats me smashing my wall.)

I didn't want to see you tonight. I didn't want to lose myself again and get hurt. My defenses goes down when you are with me. I am defenseless -- even against myself; especially against my own feelings. But seeing you is always a joy, even for a little while. When i am with you, i feel complete. When i leave you, i feel like there's a missing piece in my heart, without which, i cease to function properly.

I want to write more, but i think i should practice self control. May be some other nights. i should just go to sleep.

But tonight, i was blinded by love, not to realize that it was a...





mistake.